The Naked Truth

Some things don't seem strange at the time, or because of circumstances you don't think of them as strange. But later, you'll shake your head and wonder. This is one of those things; you decide.

I grew up in suburban Chicago, right off the end of Runway 22 at O'Hare; my parents had moved from their 47th St. apartment in the city when I was three. Lived a pretty uneventful childhood and attended uneventful suburban public schools divided into three tiers: Elementary (K-6), Junior High (7-8) and High School (9-12).

My Jr. High was a 1903-era building near what passed for downtown. We had gym class every day, and as the building had once housed the district's high school until the 1930s we were fortunate enough to have a swimming pool, which we used during gym class a couple times a year, two weeks at a time.

But here's the rub: the boys swam naked. Yep - nude, unclothed, au naturale, in the buff. The gym classes were gender-segregated (hey, this wasn't Marin County), so that degree of weirdness was not reached. But still. Our gym teacher Mr. Locascio wore trunks, but none of us kids were allowed to.

The rationale for this policy has long been forgotten, but I do recall that at the time neither I nor my parents had any adverse reaction to it beyond a momentary surprise. Merely the fact that it was "school policy" seems to have been enough, and I don't recall anyone else's parents ever complaining either.

Yet when I think about it now, or mention it to anyone else, the reaction is always the same: "Are you bleeping KIDDING me?"

Yeah, OK. It's weird. And no, my district was not predominantly Greek.

UPDATE - 10:15 PM: On a whim, I just emailed my former school district, asking if anyone recalls why that policy was adopted. I'll keep you posted.

UPDATE - 2/17/2005: No reply yet. Cowards.

I Am Curious (Yellow AND Blue)

IKEA opened in the Twin Cities last July, and until this week I'd had no need to visit. But I was in the market for a coffee table so I figured I'd check it out. The store is a blue mammoth next to the Mall of America, and on a Wednesday night it wasn't very crowded - apparently the post-holiday buying doldrums were still in effect.

Visiting IKEA is not a ten-minute proposition; you can't just stroll in, pick up what you want, and leave. The "aisle" as such is a serpentine path that wends you through the entire store, guiding you past fully furnished rooms that offer decorating suggestions and reinforce the IKEA design philosophy: usually simple and clean, but sometimes seemingly from the 1950s - George Jetson futuristic and/or Jack Kerouac groovy.

Arrows on the floor and directing signs overhead keep you moving. After a while you start feeling like a queued-up tourist at Disneyland or a Holstein shuffling down the stockyards chute to oblivion. The store layout is calculated to keep you there and shopping for a long time; the IKEA cafe is on hand to serve breakfast (only 99 cents!), lunch, and dinner lest your blood sugar drop somewhere between Home Organization and Kitchen Accessories.

IKEA products have interesting names, sometimes pseudo-Swedish: ACKTION, TÅGELBO, FÄLTVÄDD. Sometimes just curious choices: DATA (silverware), BILLY (bookcases), NERO (drawer organizer). But 99% of their stuff isn't made anywhere near Sweden at all, but mostly places like Vietnam, Poland, and China. There's a wealth of items priced under $5, so many so that it's very tempting to fill up your cart with $1.99 CD racks and 99 cent wastebaskets and $2.99 throw rugs as you negotiate the labyrinth.

Finally reached the living room section. Nothing they had totally matched what I was looking for (most of them were either too big or too... weird - that Scandinavian design, yanno) so I ended up getting two simple end tables instead - positioned side by side they're just the right size. Also picked up some coasters, a wastebasket (only 99 cents!) and some knives. My total tab: $38 - less than I usually drop at Target.

At checkout, the woman in front of me had one of those flatbed carts with about 5 large boxes on it, an IKEA "big yellow bag" that was half full, and a sheet of paper with a list of stuff that I guess she was picking up at a loading dock. Her total: $3,030.90 (!!!). Of course she then tried to pay for it with an out of town check and had trouble finding the right ID.

I always pick the wrong line.

Recent Films II

The Aviator - Martin Scorsese turns Oscar whore in a full-throttle biopic that reveals more about Scorsese himself (and his desire to give a Best Director acceptance speech) than his enigmatic subject. Is Leonardo DiCaprio good as Howard Hughes? Got me - I have no idea, given what I know of the real-life reclusive billionaire. Cate Blanchett is sometime captivating, sometimes laughingly over the top as Katharine Hepburn.

A Very Long Engagement - From the same star and director as Amelie (which I loved), a sometimes slow but always engaging film that alternates between magical near-whimsy and crushingly realistic battle scenes. Beautifully staged and photographed; sometimes too much so - giving the appearance of a diorama and not a film.

Cashing In

My Dad's "lady friend" gave me a gift card for Christmas. When I went to file it away in the secret-and-safe-place-for-gift-cards, I found that I had a whole slew of gift cards from previous years that I'd totally forgotten about, to the tune of $145 at Best Buy, $50 at Barnes & Noble, and $35 at Borders. So, woo-hoo for me - I've been buying myself DVD presents! Here's the swag so far:

- SCTV, Season One box set

- Futurama, Season One box set

- The Grapes of Wrath

- The Way We Were

- 2 Days In The Valley

On top of that, Hollywood Video has been clearing out their pre-viewed items; I've been scouring the "4 for $20" DVD table and "2 for $5" VHS pile. I figure: why rent for $4.29, when you can buy for $5 or less and not worry about bringing them back, especially if it's a film you might want to watch more than once?

So the video coffers are swelling at Chez Clark.

MMV

Day three of the new year and I honestly don't think that I've totally screwed anything up yet.

Of course, I could be wrong.

It's been a busy last couple of weeks, what with the holidaze (sic) and traveling to see family and friends and books and films and flying pigs and other schtuff.

Most of it too menial (and sometimes too personal) to bother with here.

I promise to be more talkative shortly.